Tenacity and stubbornness
Psychology / / August 12, 2017
All we often meet with such a feature, as a reluctance to fulfill the requirement, the request of another person.Especially often faced with the parents, teachers, caregivers and other people who have a relationship with the children.
Every now and then you hear: "I have such a stubborn son: he neither say, does not fulfill anything.""And mine is not better as I kept telling him not to come home no later than 7:00, still until late at night somewhere reeling."
You listen to such talk and think, understand these people the difference between perseverance and obstinacy?They know how to be distinguished from one another?They correctly assess the actions of their children and whether the right turn to them?
Because persistence is traditionally valued as a positive quality that characterizes a person's ability in that whatever the cost to achieve this goal.Stubbornness is characterized by people who do not want to change the chosen one way to solve the arising or desire, no matter what the cost to others
Stubbornness is called a character trait, which is primarily manifested in the actions aimed at the fact that during that whatever the cost to achieve its various means of execution. But we should distinguish two types of stubbornness.
first, as a rule, manifested rather in the child's behavior and demands to the other person , for example, to the parents.This behavior is often referred to as a child whims, which sometimes reach scandals.
Caprice can be shown that the child begins to demand, for example, the parents perform unbearable for these cases: to buy a very expensive thing, to go somewhere inconvenient for other time, etc. In general, a child needs to do something..-What is another great difficulty.So this is not a requirement for themselves and their actions, and to another human being, which is often presented without taking into account its capabilities, that is, as if ignoring it.
The second kind of stubbornness - are those cases where the child alone it achieves the desired result of his own work, without changing the selected funds .For example, he certainly wants something to paint, draw, sculpt or do something else.But he does this, as a rule, once selected method stubbornly repeating the same steps.
younger children such stubbornness can manifest itself in an effort to fulfill this or that once initiated action: for example, to pass a something through the hole to connect together the details of the designer, etc.
Such stubbornness is very beneficial in the future as.gradually can turn into stubbornness.And this is a positive feature, which is formed only on the basis of children's obstinate behavior, as if transformed, growing out of it.Conversely, very docile, inclined to obey the child in the future, as a rule, does not become persistent and achieves less in life than the former a little stubborn.
Therefore stubborn children should appreciate .After all of them, and not from the obedient, once you obedient children can grow up adults who are able to achieve their goals in life, able to defend its own position.
But stubbornness - a very inconvenient for the surrounding character trait;especially the many problems it brings adolescence .
Consider one of the typical cases where a teenager - no matter boy or girl - is not willing to listen to those around him in the family relatives.And learned something he does not want to do, and take a walk with the dog can not find the time - in short, doing what he wants.Parents are usually in such cases tend to pacify your child insistent demands that extend up to the scandals and other penalties, even more limiting desired freedom.In short, they seek to influence the force."I Do not learn the lesson - today generally do not go for a walk!" - Angry tone exclaims a frustrated mother.This behavior is only resentment and irritation of the child, for example, tired of sitting in one place.
All children adolescence tend to freedom.They are so interesting to see what they can, what they can do, what opportunities are fraught with the outside world.A child of this age need to perform an action.Parents still see him as a young child, who must be "jaws" and protect.
Teen stubbornly defends his identity has not yet been held.And he needs help to do it.Otherwise, it is not full of people grow.
Act, it should be very carefully, delving into the true desires of the younger man, and not focusing on the first external impression and not thinking only about their own comfort.This can sometimes occur very difficult cases when it seems that this situation, as it were "deadlocked" and almost impossible to find a way out of it.Then, in our opinion, should not only think about their own comfort and allegedly violated "norms" of behavior (which is very arbitrary and vary from case to case), but try to feel, to live the situation in which turned out to be your son or daughter.It is how to get in the situation, not rejecting it from the beginning, and as far as possible trying to understand what your child wants.
For example, I want to tell one instance from my own childhood.
My father was always very sympathetic to his associates, even complete strangers.For example, if we are with them, walking, found a drunken man lying in the winter, he could never leave it in the snow;I tried to do everything, so he froze, froze his ears, hands.I often watched his actions as a child, standing to one side, and of course, empathized, sometimes even trying to help.
And now, a little explanation.I started very early to travel alone to Russia in search of various landmarks, moving from one region to another.At the same time I often had to resort to the help of various people in finding accommodation and way of movement.Among these people were the military, including the police, which are almost always rescued me in a difficult situation: if it was to arrange for the night if you need a ride to the right place for me, etc. At the same time I met very open hospitable people...
One day, returning from one of these trips (I was then 19 years old), I met on the street three young recruits in uniform who move off somewhere through Moscow.We got to talking, they complained that the first time in Moscow, very tired, want somewhere to eat and they have nowhere to sleep.It was a good, open and funny guys, tired from the road.I felt sorry for them and wanted to do something to help them.
I met them close to home, where she lived with her parents in a small two-room apartment.And I, thinking that others, too, need help, as always helped me, invited them to his home for the night.I doubted if his conduct in relation to his parents, but deep down, felt that they understand me.The children agreed, and we came to our house.I have them introduced and explained to the parents that the children want to eat and nowhere to sleep.
Pope immediately stood up and warmly invited them to come in and do not be shy, and I offered to set the table and put the tea.Guests gladly bite, talking about himself.My mother was a little confused, and her father with interest supported our conversation, actively participating in it.
So passed two hours.Then I quietly asked my parents if we could arrange them on the bed in my little room: because I can sleep in the parents in their room.Mom really embarrassed.But the father said confidently that, of course, think of something.And, to say out loud that the neighbors will ask if they can help, gone.
The boys finished their tea, they thanked everyone for comfort and went away, pleased with the evening.Father came back about an hour later, when the guests had already left.
Mom subsequently often laughed at me when I left the house, which, they say, come back, but more a regiment of soldiers do not bring with them.I only much later appreciated the subtlety and sensitivity behavior of my father, who came out so well for them out of difficult situation with her mother did not let me.